Warning: All gringos have swine flu

Peru has authorized medical personnel to man certain check points to keep AH1N1 in check across the country.

As a result, a nurse boarded our bus today and explained the symptoms of swine flu and what to do if you think you might have it. She was gliding along the aisle repeating her instructions when she stopped mid-sentence.

I looked up to see her distraction.

It was me. One hundred percent healthy-looking, sign and symptom-free me. Coincidentally, also the only foreigner on the bus.

A second later she was standing in front of me.

"Where are you coming from?" she asked through her face mask.

"Tumbes," I said. "I've been living there the past seven months."

She looked at me skeptically. After a minute she said, "And you haven't been to Mexico recently?"

I almost laughed. "No," I said. "I've been here."

She stood there for a good 30 seconds until I finally said, "Please don't worry, Ma'am. I don't have the swine flu."

She didn't respond. She just kept one eye on me as she left the bus.