When word travels fast

Unsolicited (and unhelpful) breakup advice:

  • “You should ask him to visit anyway.”
  • “Amor de lejos es amor de cuatro.” A far-away lover is the lover of many.
  • “Distance makes the heart grow fonder … for somebody else.”
  • “There’s nothing like living in poverty to keep your mind off things.”
  • “Now you can marry a Peruvian!”
  • “You’re in the friggin’ Peace Corps. What the #$@! were you doing with a boyfriend?”

And from the dark comes the voice of reason:

  • “You want to go to the beach?”

Can I send you something?

Hey Everyone,

Thank you so much for thinking of me, but because I will be leaving soon, I ask that you don't send me anything via snail mail.

I still love e-mails, Facebook messages and blog comments though. :-)

See y'all soon!

The Plagues

Living on the edge of the Pacific Rainforest has its advantages. We have wild parrots in our park. I get to eat all the bananas I want. And I never have to bother with carrying a coat.

Unfortunately, it also means a LOT of rain.

Every night, I fall asleep to the sound of sheets falling on the calamine roof. And every morning, I wake up to unavoidable, 6-inch-deep mud outside my front door. In every direction, there are puddles of murky water and — what we PCVs have dubbed — “The Plagues.”

Mosquitoes, frogs and grasshoppers. It’s insane.

And when it rains, they all move indoors. The frogs are the creepiest. I’ve already told y’all about the one who lives in my bathroom. You can’t walk down the street without almost accidentally stepping on one. Every morning, when the ladies come to clean the health post, you can see them sweeping dozens of them out from the corners and underneath desks.

Grasshoppers mostly just startle me. They have a thing about landing on the top of your head or shoulders. You could be inside, behind closed doors, and one will fly from out of nowhere and hit you square on the cheek.

Nothing bugs me worse, though, than the mosquitoes.

I grew up in Minnesota. The mosquito is our state bird. But I have never seen anything like this. They come in hordes, ominously buzzing behind my ears and just on the other side of the mosquito net. They bite me under my watch, on the arches of my feet, through my jeans. There’s no escaping them. This is only made worse by the fact that we are in an area fairly rich with Malaria and Dengue.

Thankfully, I’m on anti-malarial meds. But there’re no meds for Dengue. There’s no treatment either. You’re just bed-ridden in total agony for two weeks until it passes you.
I’m absolutely terrified of getting it.

Our PC doctor, Jorge, told us that no volunteer has ever gotten Dengue yet here in Peru. I think he thought it would comfort us. I just shuddered at the statistics. Someone is bound to get it with all the mosquitoes. And since there are only eight of us who live in the Dengue zone Every time I get a really bad bite, I think, “Oh, dear God. This is it.”

Well … it might not be rational, but it still freaks me out.

What have you been up to lately?

Well, let me tell you.

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of meetings, classes and workshops. Some pretty … others pretty ugly. All of them keeping me on my toes — which is lucky, really, considering how much mud there is.

HEALTH PROMOTER TRAINING started last week, and we were able to train in five out of the eleven who promised they’d come. We smushed all of the basic education into three days, covering everything from basic nutrition to HIV/AIDS. I flipped out when we were working on the ITS portion because the group ACTUALLY got into it. An hour-long training session turned into two because they had so many questions. When I told them about the PEPFAR project we will be working on, they all got really excited and — without details — pledged their time and energy to help. Score!

MY LIFE SKILLS CLASS began just like you might expect, considering it was full of 25 angsty, uninterested teenagers. The first class was a total disaster. I tried get-to-know you games, little exercises to get people to feel comfortable, and it all flopped.

The Human Knot, however, was the greatest of the catastrophes. You all remember the Human Knot? Students form a circle and reach across to grab the hands of two other people. It forms a giant knot of arms that They say is supposed to be untie-able. Every. Single. Time.

Not surprisingly. It was pretty difficult. Especially with 25 teens who get bored easily, and it has just started to rain. I didn’t exactly have the Spanish vocabulary either to say things like, “Try putting your arm through this space and crawl beneath here.” They didn’t believe me that it’s possible and gave up after 7 minutes.

Thankfully, the following classes have gone exponentially better. I brought in a health center nurse to teach a class on self-esteem — which wasn’t a complete flop, but I wouldn’t call it a success. And this week, I invited my friend and fellow PCV, Sarah, to help me teach a class on communication. You should have seen the grin on their faces when I told them ANOTHER gringa was coming to their class. She left to a parade of cheers and hollers. I guess they liked her.

WORKING WITH THE YOUTH GROUP has led to a long series of frustrations. I almost cried three times during a planning meeting because one of my colleagues insisted on explaining every last thing to me as if I were a 5-year-old with ADD. “No, you don’t understand, Robyn” … “No, you didn’t understand.” Truly, it was taxing. Anyway, we finally figured it out, and I’ll give y’all the short version.

So basically, we’re going to have training sessions for local teenagers on 12 different topics ranging from recycling to teen pregnancy. Each topic will be accompanied by a community activity that will put into practice or reinforce what the group learned. For example, learning about trash in the street à a clean-up day, etc. I’m personally really excited about the condom races coming on Valentine’s Day. (I get to ref.)

If we get 30 to show up for all the sessions, then great. We have 30 more kids who have the education needed to improve their own future. But the idea is that if even five or ten of those kids tell someone else — their siblings, parents, friends, whomever — then it grows exponentially. Meanwhile, the students are learning how to use their knowledge to help their community, and the whole town watches, maybe learning something, too.

As Peru is a formal nation by culture, we had to present this project to all of the bigwigs in the area with a lot of pomp and frill. You guys know me. I don’t do pomp very well. Not to mention that, in Spanish, I have the social grace of a 3-legged possum. It’s really embarrassing.

Nonetheless, as I had spent the most time making the work plan and figuring out the gory details, the other organizers thought that it would be a good idea for me to present the project during the ceremony.

Me. The 3-legged possum.

They also decided this late the night before, when I already had a long list of things to do in preparation.

It went exactly how you’d expect. They were visibly uncomfortable. Words came out choppy; I made mistakes; I forgot half of what I was going to mention; and instead of emphasizing passionately and sharply that youth will inevitably decide the future of Peru, I kept saying trite crap over and over again. It was also hot, and the room was a little sticky. I’m pretty sure I had forgotten to breathe during the entire painful ordeal. Thank God I had written it all out and made copies. Reading, I’m sure, filled in all the blanks they must have had.

People seemed to like it. They congratulated me on a job well done and wished us the best in our project. So, that was a huge relief. Now, I just hope teens actually WANT to do this thing … I promised the ten or so who came that the training sessions wouldn’t be boring, and there’d always be free soda. So … I guess we’ll have to see.

But the best part?

My colleague and friend, Pascuala, gave the traditional toast at the end. And guess whom she toasted?

Are you ready?

It’s good.

Obama.

“To Robyn’s new president,” she said, soda glass raised. “Who said he would double the size of Peace Corps. Imagine: two Robyns!”

I could have cried.


Our health promoters (+one random child)
My life skills class. 30 girls 3 boys.

Documentation that the worst public speaking event of my life actually happened.

Our new Commander-in-Chief

I cried again. I told myself I wouldn’t. But in my defense, I wasn’t the only one.

Thirty volunteers from Piura and Tumbes were in town for the regional meeting this week, and we all stuck around to watch the inauguration together in a nearby hotel lounge.

Considering that one of Obama’s campaign promises was to double the size of the Peace Corps, I was a little disappointed he didn’t give us a shout-out in his speech. With all that talk of service, you would think he could have added, “And especially those voluntarily living in poverty to promote peace and friendship between our country and so many other nations.”

But whatever, I’m not bitter. He DID say something about those serving in far off deserts and mountains … I live in the dry forest near the Andes, so I’m going to pretend that counts.

With the camera sweeps and Aretha Franklin, it was like watching a movie — made even more cinematic by our reactions. We clapped and cheered when Obama took his oath. Cried when he gave his speech. And stood, hand-over-hearts, to sing the National Anthem.

The Peruvians serving us at the restaurant probably thought we were nuts. One looked visibly frightened.

Although I wish I could have been home for such an historic moment in our country’s history, I have to say I don’t regret being here. Working for the National Guard, I had seen countless ceremonies with flags waving and oaths taken, but it’s a completely different experience for me now. It’s an incredible feeling to have Peruvians ask me about my country. Unapologetically, I answer that we are wounded, but we’re working hard to heal. I have a lot of faith in Obama. I won’t rehash the reasons why. You’ve all seen the clips, read the articles. I don’t think he’s perfect. But I think he’s what we need.

That being said, he’s also a total badass. How many other world leaders do you know who can surf?

Apparently, Michael Jackson is huge here...




Sheick, 5, Avid Michael Jackson Fan
Pampas de Hospital, Tumbes Perú

The Random Gringo

Believe it or not, it's actually pretty hard for Peace Corps volunteers to meet other gringos in their host country. Most tourists are just passing through, anxious to meet new people from a different place. Why would they waste their short days of vacation on meeting people they could meet back home? Really, it makes sense, even though it makes homesick volunteers a little disappointed.

Every once in a while, though, you come across something completely unexpected. Take for example, a sleeping gringo in your local neighborhood plaza?

Toa was napping under a tree when I walked past the park with a nurse from the health post.
"Is that a gringo?" I asked her.

"He looks like it," she said back. "Let's go ask."

"NO... NO ... Mery, stop..."

"Oye, señor," she called over. "Are you Peruvian?"

It turns out, no, he wasn't Peruvian — though he was flattered she might have thought so. He was a Canadian biologist on his way to the National Park 35 km away. He wanted to go bird watching, and his ride was an hour late.

"Hora Peruana," he shrugged. And we kept talking — both relieved to be speaking English.

After another hour, though, he realized his ride might not be just late. When he called, he was proved right and told the driver had changed his mind. He'd have to find his own way up the mountain.

I brought him back to my house, where my host mom immediately fell in love with him. Where was he from? What was he doing? How long was he staying? And — more importantly — would he like another banana?

The search for another ride turned out to be futile. And even if it had been successful, it started to rain. As hardly anyone likes to ride motorcycles or hike mountains in the rain, he decided to go the next day.

Toa ended up staying for most of the afternoon, charming my family with stories of his work in the rainforest and outlining the many reasons why the US is inferior to Canada (namely, we kill all their grizzly bears, steal their wolves and try to run the world).

Side note: He also talked me out of getting a parrot. The ways that the animals are captured from the wild is inhumane and destructive, and I don't want to feed the supply-demand. I won't even get into how they capture baby monkeys for pets (spoiler alert: they kill the momma monkey!).

At one point, however, he recounted a rather blush-inducing tale of — after 4 months girl-less in the jungle — dancing the meringue with a very beautiful lady and then being left standing in the middle of the dance floor ... um ... "pitching a tent" for the whole world to see.

Yep, he said that. To my Catholic. Peruvian. Middle-Aged. Parents. — He even demonstrated with his pointer finger.

And it totally worked. They were so enamored, in fact, that they refused to stop talking about him for days.

I have to admit, it was really nice to have another gringo around. Although I get to see my Peace Corps friends fairly frequently, it's a nice to bring in guest star for a day to shake things up.

Of course, every body in the town now thinks that he was my gringo boyfriend coming to visit ... But that's a battle for another day.

The replacement volunteer

Once upon a time, a California girl arrived in a quiet little town in Northern Peru. She was an energetic, nice Peace Corps volunteer, ready to work in everything that is disease prevention. Through the sweltering first few months, she went out and met the people. She taught English, played sports — never missed a dance — and the community loved her.

But no matter how hard this girl tried, she kept getting sick. Her stomach was in knots, pounds melted off of her like sweat, and no matter how many pills she took, she couldn't get better.
After a few months of physical misery, she could no longer sacrifice her own health to remain a health volunteer. And so, sad, sick and full of great memories with her community, she said goodbye and returned home ...

One year later.

A Minnesota girl arrived to the same quiet little town in Northern Peru. An energetic, nice Peace Corps volunteer, she was ready to work in everything that is disease prevention. Through the sweltering first few months, she went out and met the people — only to encounter an unforeseen obstacle.

"Are you going to teach English?" they asked her. "Lizzy* taught English."

"Are you going to play sports? ... Lizzy played sports."

"Why don't you dance more? ... Lizzy always danced."

"Lizzy was thinner than you."

"Hey, Lizzy! ... Lizzy! Come over here!"

... The girl had known about the volunteer before her. Within the first week, she had gotten the full story about her sickness, physical description and activities.

But the stories didn't stop there.

Every person she met began the same conversation:

"Are you going to teach English? .... Wow, you're a little fatter than Lizzy was ... She was really active, you know. ... Man, isn't Lizzy great?"

"Actually, I don't know Lizzy," the girl replied to surprised and confused faces. How could she NOT know Lizzy?

She tried to be patient. "I know I'm not Lizzy," she would say to them with a smile. "But I'm nice; I promise."

Day after day, she faced the same defeating challenge. These people don't know how many times I've had this conversation, she thought to herself. It's only natural they would compare me with her.

She fought to remain calm and friendly in the face of mounting tension. She wasn't Lizzy. She would never be Lizzy. And dammit, why didn't they just GET IT already?

Her only solace was the hope that when she left after her two years of service, she would be just as loved ... just as remembered.

If she could only hold out on biting heads off for two more years ...

*name has been changed to protect the poor girl who suffered from all those awful stomach problems while it was a billion degrees outside and yet STILL was able to make a community fall in love with her.

La hora peruana (Peruvian Time)

This morning, I spent an hour and a half waiting for the mayor to show up for a scheduled meeting. I had prepared myself for the Hora Peruana (everything starts at least 15 minutes late), but an hour and a half?? Now that was just ridiculous. Totally unacceptable.

So there I was in his office, fuming. I´m fanning myself with the newspaper in an annoyed huff. Tapping my foot incessantly. Thinking about all the different seemingly respectful but actually biting remarks I could say about being "professional" --when he finally comes in.

I take a breath to calm myself down a bit and step through the door.

"Sir, you told me 8:30," I say to him in what I think is a generous tone considering. "I´ve been waiting here for you for well over an hour. Did something happen?"

He looks at me nonchalantly (doesn´t even apologize) and says, "I thought I´d go bathe in the river."

And then I remember: Oh right, I´m in Peru.

It's a jungle out there.

So maybe it's not technically jungle, more like dry forest. But still. There are some animals in my life that I feel need mentioning.

There's a toad that lives in my bathroom. He seems to get pleasure from jumping out of dark places and scaring the gajeebas out of me at night. One time, I walked into the bathroom for only a minute — no more — and I came out to find him staring at me from the step. Staring. Like a tiny, evil, warty demon-statue.

We also have two roosters who like hopping up things. Early in the morning (while the tin is still cool), they jump up the rungs on the fence and onto the roof. Pitter-pat go their little feet as they wobble around just before they jump off with flapping wings. Combined with the crowing, they make the most irritating/humorous alarm ... at 5 a.m.

I've gotten used to the site of pigs roaming everywhere, but lately there are three piglets who sneak through the cracks of our fence, into our backyard and run around, snorting up a storm. Granted, they're cute. As cute as pigs can be anyway. But they seem to be absolutely terrified of me — despite my constant assurances that I don't eat pork here for fear of cistercercosis*. (Seriously, if you saw what they were eating, you'd be paranoid, too.)

I can't continue without mentioning our pet monkey, Garu. He's a 3-month-old baby who likes to chew on my fingers (don't worry; he doesn't really have teeth yet). He also gets these moments of adorable shyness, where he wraps himself in an old t-shirt and hides his cute little monkey-face, then screams bloody murder when you walk away. Oh, Garu ...

Also, the dogs have organized. They now run in gangs around our neighborhood. Though mostly harmless, they're trying to chase all the mototaxis (three-wheeled motorcycles+taxi seat = mototaxi) out of town by barking threats at them. I fear they're fighting an uphill battle.

I could mention the donkeys, turkeys, cows, horses and vultures ... but I think you get the idea. It's like they're purposely interesting because they know I'm watching them.


The reason I´m totally OK with eating so much chicken.

Our monkey, Garu.

An Año Nuevo

I know I make it sound like living here is puppy dogs and sunshine — which most of the time is surprisingly accurate — but there are times when the cultural differences are difficult to swallow.

New Year's Eve-Day was one of those times.

Año Nuevo is a major holiday for Peruvians, and as such is accompanied by a lot of colorful traditions. For example, everyone wears yellow for luck, eats 12 grapes while making 12 wishes, and burns man-sized stuffed dolls called muñecos at midnight as a way of starting the new year fresh. Some people even run along the streets with a suitcase in hopes of a big trip the following year. But like any Peruvian holiday, the night rounds out with a long night of drinking and dancing.

For those of you who don't know me, I don't drink. And my diligent sobriety is something not well understood here — a lack of understanding made only worse by increased amounts of alcohol. Add on impossibly loud music and the ubiquitous Blonde Foreigner Syndrome* (constant stares and/or requests to dance), I'm in for a rough night.

But wanting to experience a Peruvian New Year (as well as knocking off Numero Uno on my list of resolutions), I stuck it out until 5 a.m.

The night went a little something like this:

Knowing full well that alcohol in any culture gets people a little "handsy," I made it a rule to have my feet hurt conveniently right around the time people started slurring their speech, so as to decline any dance requests. I would smile, say my apologies, and turn back to some type of conversation, ignoring their persistence and continuing to talk. The bad thing is that as the volume went up, a person's level of speech clarity would just plummet. After a while, I literally didn't understand a word anyone said to me (in any language) and had to shout "Lo siento" at the top of my lungs repeatedly while simultaneously shaking my head until they just eventually stopped trying to talk to me altogether. I left irritated, with sore feet and a hoarse voice.
It was all very taxing.

Thankfully, there was almost always someone who stepped in on a metaphorical shining steed, saving me from the borrachos* and winning every ounce of my gratitude.

But still, I think that will be my first and last time amanecer-ing. I'm chalking it up as a cultural experience, but the real lesson is that nothing good ever happens after midnight.

Oh, well ... One resolution down.




A muñeco
*borrachos = drunk people